1 post tagged “year ritual”

What are your rituals or traditions for starting off a new year?  

New Year's Eve/Day have an interesting role in my life.  This is the ONLY holiday I celebrate.

I left Xmas and Easter and all those Christian holidays behind long ago; I won't celebrate the 4th of July or Veteran's Day or any other patriotic parade hell.

New Years, though, now that's a holiday.  The only widely-celebrated holiday that has absolutely no religious or political significance! When I figured that out I lumped my birthday and Xmas into it.  When I used to have close friends I'd get presents for New Years instead.

Now, in this lonely post-relationship age in which my friends circle split up and moved away, and I was left literally totally alone and nearly lost it completely, the presents have gone away, but the date has even more meaning.

I perform heavy postpaganist Choronzonite rites during this 24 hour period, a totally arbitrary change of the fourth number in a date, that's the only thing that happens on 1 January.  But it's the time people stop and think about endings and beginnings, taking stock of what is had, what has gone away, what is wanted to have come.  Then there's the OTHER thing people do on New Years: Get intoxicated, and of course, even though drinking's not my way, intoxication is one of my favourite things.  Sometimes I can pull myself through a near-suicidal depression just remembering that if I were to do away with myself, I'd miss the next psychedelic trip I'd take some day...usually once or twice a year.  It used to be fairly common for that to happen ON NYE.  Will it this time? I'm leaning away from it, wanting to see if I can actually carry my resolutions through, first. What are those?

To be frugal.  To get out of the house owned by the family of my ex (god I hate calling him that) and find my own apartment, somehow.  And learn to live without hope of ever having sex or love again because quite honestly, after a relationship in which you get all your desires answered for in one person - a thing that VERY rarely occurs - it's too hard an act for any half-there affair to follow. 

2008 is all about becoming the sort of person I'd find attractive myself, because I'm going to be the only one who can love me, now: me, and a xenodimensional entity, a chaos god called Choronzon who is sort of an imaginary surrogate partner and guardian demon combined.  It kept me from breaking down through the pain of '07 but it is a bit silly to be married to it, which I'd considered myself, partly as a gimmick for the music project of the same name, but totally serious as well..  Perhaps this year I'll be more circumspect and private about my comminglings with this incubus...they'll happen, but I won't shout from the rooftops about it.

I think it is time to go now and witness the sunrise while sitting in a lotus under the Tetrahedraat, a three-sided triangular bamboo-pole tetrahedron-form open-air one-person temple to Choronzon, in which I sit whilst facing a west window (too bad not an east one, for this sunrise related purpose.)

I'll sit there in Indian style and recite the sacred New Years rites I've recited twenty-four times before, and joyously partake of herbal treats that are a tonic for the mind, body and its currents. 

I will not force myself to love life, or to try to find love.  That was how I screwed me up last year.  This year it'll be reversed: I'll let love find me - the non-sex-related kind, and learn to share stories and jokes, and entertain people, learn to think about making them happy, instead of focusing on my dismal trite misery, begging others to come and make me happy, and at the same time, holding them at arm's length if anything even seems remotely flirty.  By 2009 I dearly hope I succeed.  Choronzon is very sure I will, and he's ALWAYS been right, for the twenty one years I've had this entity gift me with its presence...so that's a good sign!

So there, Vox holiday nuts, this one time, I get to join you.  Will be a year before I do again....Have as much better a year ahead as I'm shooting for, unknown compatriote reading these words.  Astalabyebye.